When I tear, its not patched, its not stiched....Its broken...Looking for a way to fly, back into the sky, soaring high again, where I belong.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Single Lady

My one-month relationship is over....I thought I'd last longer. I actually wanted to make it to a year at least to break the jink. My last long-term relationship (1 year) was 3 years ago - and that one sef was" cut and sew". Make up and break up.

I don't feel sad, I didn't shed a tear (I'm usually a cry-baby)...in fact, I'm happy it's over. I wasn't in love but was looking for it. No news here, didnt find it. I knew it wouldn't lead anywhere but who's to say? It was nice have someone to call my own though.

I tell my friends that I wouldn't go into a relationship with a guy I can't get married to and I broke my own rule. I was having this same conversation with a friend and he was like, is it every relationship I enter that must lead to marriage?. Obviously not! But if the best comes to the best, I want to know that marriage can happen. I'm not going to be skipping through wedding catalogs or picking a dress, but I'd just like to know that if the best happens, there can be more than dating. I obviously will not enter into a relationship saying "let's have some fun and get it over with". If the best comes to the best....

He was a muslim (a very staunch one) and I don't see the "best coming to the best" happening for us. Apart from the fact that it goes against what I believe in, I wouldn't want to bring my children up in a home where they grow in confusion as to what to believe in.

I'm not an angel though, I have my many faults but I don't appreciate anyone using it to sing song. This, he was perfect at doing. He would string together a line of choruses about how I'm so spoilt, stubborn etc. Excuse me? If na so I bad reach, what are you doing with me? The one that really pained me was when I cooked my first stew and soup weeks back. For a first, it was really good and my entire family ate it. I shared this little piece of information with him and he started singing. How I should have learnt a long time ago, his junior brother about my age knows even more, and oh! I didnt even cook anything complicated. My father ate the food and was happy, he didnt complain and suddenly you have the right to? mscheew

Dude would always say he doesnt lie? Abeg who doesn't lie (even a tiny bitty lie? mistake lie?) and I caught him lying so so so many times.He was real ijebu too. He had money but won't want to spend, never took me out, would just come to my house sidon and use tori kill pesin.

Why am I knocking him out? Don't mind me jare, just need to make myself feel good for my own faults in it.

I was listening to Kirk Franklin's "How we used to be", and then realised I was just taking any love I could find...Not healthy....Need to go back to my drawing board - read my bible, pray everyday, fill that void within me...

My head is pounding, my bed is calling. Enjoy your week everyone

Current Listen : No Be Mistake - 9ice


Vanity said...

Hey. Settling for a relationship is not good. I know what you mean.

I hung on to a relationship so destructive because I wanted to convince myself that I could last with someone more than one year and I wasn't a jinx

And now I took a year off of dating because I realized the relationship I had to work on was with myself.



Vanity said...

Oh I also write on Azazel's blog

TayneMent said...

Feel better missy!

Jaycee said...


musco said...

I feel your pain. Maybe he just doesn't deserve you. Like I always say, the good ones are still out there.

My song anytime any day!

Rita said...

@Vanity:- that was a nice and sincere comment, I like.

@ZeL:- I am so glad you have an idea of what you want in a relationship. It is better the relationship lasted a month than wasting a year of your life. On average, I never had more than a 3-month relationship and I felt I was a failure at such. I managed to keep one for a year (like Vanity said to just to convince myself that it could work out) but I was suffering in silence.
When Mr. Right came, it started out beautifully (i didnt even know where it was going to because I was tired of relationships), evolved beautifully, and if there is one thing I am amazed about yet thankful to God for is my wonderful marriage.

Don't lose hope, and don't stop trusting God in this area. He has done it for many and can do it for you.

Hope you responded to your bed's call and your head pounding is relieved...take care dear.

Anonymous said...

when a relationship becomes more of a burden than a blessing, break it up!..you are better off...stay away from any for the time being until you truly fall in love....take care huh?.

Miss Natural said...

lol chin up! Hope you feel much better soon ok. Plus the part about singing a chorus got me laughing like mad!

Myne Whitman said...

Take care dear. One thing relationships shouldn't be is forced. Relax and live, what you seek will come to you.

rayo said...

me, i'm happy you did not waste time doing cut and sew again. been down that road nd it got veeeeeeeery ugly at d end. smh at him going on about your cooking or not.

YankeeNaija said...

great post.

jhazmyn said...

True talk...really pisses me off too when a person spends a lotta time dissing the bad in me and singing his praise like he's got nothing to work on, but its good u walked though...better 3months of the real that 1 year of trying to make it work...

authorsoundsbetterthanwriter said...

hehe. your blog is so funny. Your miracle post made me laugh mehn.

And yeah, I really agree with the point you made in this post.If you don't see a relationship going somewhere why start it? And if you start it, why let it continue and make it harder to end it. Here here.

bArOquE said...

i was seeing a muslim girl during my service year, & i didnt care...we both knew it was not heading towards marriage so we did out time
LOL@the boy being Ijebu & filling you with endless tory
na only tory una dey tory? talk true oh...heehee
MHO, let some relationships be for just the fun of it, life is not that serious, i tell you

ZeL said...

@Vanity : I know what u mean darling. Yeah i know ur at Azazel's. Thanks for stopping by.

@Taynement: Thanks dear

@Jaycee : *hugs*

@Musco : Thats a good thought! Though I dont het half of what he's saying, I'm so in love with that song

@Rita : U have a really beautiful testimony. I'm inspired by your's so I'm holding hope

@the nitty gritty tales of a housewife: Nicely put! I'll be working on myself and I'm sure love will find me when I'm not even looking :)

@Miss Natural : Thanks dear. Glad I made u laugh!

@Myne Whitman : Thanks dear! Amen!!!

@Rayo : Its not healthy at all. Good riddance!
YankeeNaija : Thanks!

@Jhazymn : Like really! Its so pissing! Mscheww. Abi o?

@authorsoundsbetterthanwriter: :) Thanks for reading, glad it made u laugh. Yeah, great perspective!

@barOque: My heart is too fragile for play play. I cant just let a relationship be for the fun of it. When the fun has ended, the pain will start for me.

ZeL said...

@baroque: Lol. that actually made me laugh...Na only tori oh. I'm a good girl :)

T.Notes said...

Ehmmm,so didn't he have all that information when he was dating u or even when he asked you out?

BTW,it does make better sense to be in sync with such things as faith n religion-makes things a little less complicated.So u did alright girl.He missed out. Let him go n marry village girl.

*Hugs*Massive ones!

Anonymous said...

Sounds so much like my last relationship..it's freaky.

I feel you on being in a serious relationship though..that feeling of security is always nice.

Good thing you're not sad so..uhmm..enjoy being single jo. Lol

2cute4u said...

You're my GO-TO blog.. I'm officially making it my chill out blog..
On the one month thingy?
Don't worry...we dey plenty..
It wasn't a relationship hun..
it was a test period
And he failed the test..
I trust we should be hearing a better meet soonish okay..
Have a great weekend.

ZeL said...

@T.Notes: Help me ask him o. He did abi? Thanks dear! :)

@Layole: Hope its not the same person..lol..Yep, real nice feeling.

@2cute4u : This made me smile :). Yeah he failed it...too bad. Fingers crossed dear. Same to you!


Indeed, you need to go back to the drawing board....


Lara said...

e-hugs to you, know how you feel, been there, dating some one in a diff religion, guy talking you down and stuff...I have learnt to stay out of it and know I would get my own man some day

Zena said...

Seems dis things going around,

My sister just recently broke up with her boyfriend who was a muslim, they went out for 7 months tho and she's been listening to music dat wud make you cry as well

I guess we all do that, settle for less...but you know now what you want, so things will look up, thanks for stopping by mine

blogoratti said...

Hey hang in there...all the best!

Tisha said...

He is not worth the effort

By the way, technically you did not date him, two months is too short to date, he was someone you considered a friend and later found out that he was not even a friend.

ZeL said...

Thanks guys

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