When I tear, its not patched, its not stiched....Its broken...Looking for a way to fly, back into the sky, soaring high again, where I belong.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

21/11/2010

This was the day I lost my dad. He was 52.

Its almost a month now.He had a heart attack. He had just recovered from stroke. I came home for the sallah break and spent a week. A day or so after I came home, I and my dad drove from ikeja to surulere 4 service. I was really impressed cus the stroke affected his left hand and his recovery was so beautiful. On our way back, just before the stadium, he started complaining of severe chest pains. I was feeding him lucozade while he was driving, encouraging him to just get us home so he can rest. At a point, d pain was so intense that I offered to drive with his instructions despite d fact that I have never driven a car.

We made it home and the pain continued, he said it wasn't his heart but his chest so I attributed it to his physiotherapy exercises. My mum gave him aspirin and other pain relievers, after a few minutes the pain was relieved. This haooened three more times in thay week and d same medication was given. I fell very ill, went the hospital with him, so he used that opportunity to do a chest xray and was referred to a cardiologist with an appontment fixed for d following day. I had injections too, so on friday morning we agreed to go together so I won't waste money on cab. He came late in the afternoon, past his appointment time of 1200pm. My mum begged him to go but he refused saying he didn't feel strong enough and that the cardiologist must have gone.

On reaching d hospital, we met d cardiologist waiting and scheduled another appointment for monday. I was to return to school on sunday morning. By 5am, he woke us up complaining of chest pain, that the pain woke him up. As usual, we gave him d normal pain meds. I kept asking him he was feelin better and he said d pain wasn't sub siding. I was slightly irritated that he woke me that early when he knows its just d pain meds and he'll be alright. I was drifting in and out of sleep. He started shouting that he doesn't want to die, this got me really angry because I was just like this is the normal chest pain, just calm down and let the medicine work. He then told me and my mum to pray for him, that our prayers always help. - laid my hand on his chest, then my mum followed. I prayed for God to relieve him of d pain,I guuess he did.

Immediately my mum said 'amen', his eyes rolled back and he started stiffening his hands. We convinced ourselves that it was a coma because I swear! I could still feel a heartbeat. It took some 15mins before neighbours came to carry him to d clinic in the estate. My dad was quite tall and huge so it was hard for them. They pronounced him dead at d clinic, since it was just a clinic we wanted a second opinion from a better clinic. The ambulance from our hospital in ikoyi came shortly after we took him to d clinic. On getting to Ikoyi, we were told d same thing. Reality hit me and my legs couldn't hold me up, I just couldn't believe it.It wasn't his chest afterall. This is sum1 that lay at my feet the day before while I was typing a letter for him,we shared my food, we gossiped about my mum and made plans. Sometimes I pray I wake up from a bad dream, but this dream is way too long.

I have been through different emotions and reasoning. In all I have learnt to Thank God even when I don't know what I'm thanking him for. It was a week to exams, so I just had to put myself together and write my exams. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I scream without a sound. My only hope is that the dead in christ shall rise on the last day......

18 comments:

T.Notes said...

LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF COMFORTING LOVES.
And that hope,is real.

Beautiful said...

(((hugs)))

neefemi said...

There are no right words honey, May His Soul RIP but more importantly, may the Lord give and the rest of your family strength. He will be your father, he will comfort you and give you peace.

Huggggss

Dee! said...

May his soul rest in PEACE!
((((((HUGS))))))

doll said...

wow..may his soul continue to rest in peace

Lara said...

May His soul rest in peace...(((Hugs)))..May the Lord give you the strength to bear this loss

NakedSha said...

Plenty hugs and kisses. And absolute peace!

Zena said...

I know how you feel, I was there a year ago. I pray that your family and you find comfort and peace...lots of love and hugs Zel..

Dami said...

May God's love warm ur lives at this time!

2cute4u said...

OhMyGod.. I'm so so very sorry honey.. I pray God sees you through this..
Really sorry..

LE DYNAMIQUE PROFESSEUR said...

((HUGS)) You have God and that is the most important thing. He is your comforter.

- LDP

bArOquE said...

OMG...i've got tears in my eyes...i'm so sorry you had to go through this...my darling Zel, you're a much stronger woman than i thought...take good care of yourself & your mum for me...Merry Christmas & a very Happy New Year in advance

aloted said...

oh mine! :(

May the Lord comfort you and your family.

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

Oh my GOD ! oh my GOD ZEL.....am so sorrrryyy.... am real am.....i mean...gosh am blabbling....* a comforting hug*....am short of words right now... PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCERE CONDOLENCE & I PRAY TO GOD ALMIGHTY TO GIVE YOU & YOUR ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD THE COMFORT & STRENGTH TO GO THROUGH THIS...amin.


p.s...pls, i have being away at my parents since on the 17th, hence didn't see this post until then..forgive me pls.

Miss Natural said...

Zel I am so sorry! I cannot begin to imagine how you feel just know that we have your back and we are praying for you.

NikkiSho said...

may the lord comfort you and your family.so sorry

justsoyouknow said...

What does not kill you will make you stronger. An individuals true attest to his character is by overcoming seemingly too much to handle situations.

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YankeeNaija said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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